1st story - Pretentious Fuckers

Just recently, i was getting lunch during a College lunchbreak, and i was approached by a 'chest hair popping out of my tight black shirt' fitness first fuckwit. He walked up to me as if he was my fucking friend, and bled shit out of his asshole for fucking ever. He poked me in the stomah and said 'i could turn that into a washboard sick-pack in 5 months man!'. I generally cannot tolerate this level of bullshit, but i thought i mayaswell have some fun. But honestly, this guy was the biggest fuckwit i have met in years.

I have been fucked over by a fitness first faggot before actually, so this really felt like my chance to make ends meet, and fuck over this belief spilling asshole. After what seemed like a day of talking about shitty fitness first facilities and deals that i could'nt care less about, he asked for my name and number. I gave him a fake name and number, and held back a 'fuck you' laugh the whole time.

I walked off with a real fucking awesome sense of liberation, the pussy e-blogger type of liberation, but still worthy. Not only had i given this fuckcheese a fake name and number, he thought i was going to meet him at 7:30 that night to check out the gym, and sign up to his shithouse workout regime. 

I went home that day and briefly masturbated over how awesome i am, and how awesome my fucking-over of the fitness first faggot was. His name was Jimmy by the way, another reason not to like someone.

I pretty much forgot about the whole ordeal, but about a week later, whilst on the same class break, i walked passed Jimmy. Jimmy the FFF(fitness first faggot). He approached me again, as if he was my friend, and gave me a whole 'Im your mate, so i'll get friendly angry at you' speech. Fuck you Jimmy, you fucking pretentious cock. I don't care about your shitty gym. I don't care about your shitty exercise plan. Most of all Jimmy, you fuck, i don't care about your commission seeking conversation you plan to have with me.

I gave him another fake name and number, went home, and had a wank over it